Kate O'Leary

By Molly Donnelly

I want to tell you a story about three of my best friends and their annoying mom, my aunt Kate. She died ten years ago today, April 14, 2006 from breast cancer.  I was not present at her house when she passed away but my sister Mary was and she told me that when Kate died “loud keening and wailing filled the house”.  I will never be able to use the word keening better than Mary did in describing the sounds and atmosphere of Kate’s departure.

My sisters, Mary and Bridget left Kate’s house after her passing and went to a strip club.  Not because strippers help alleviate grief but because I was a cocktail waitress at Rick’s Cabaret in downtown Minneapolis. The deejay was playing the song “She’s a Beauty” by the Tubes when they walked in and told me that Kate had died. Tears streamed down my face as I watched the young blond stripper dance.  I recalled how Aunt Kate often annoyed me.

Kate lived in England with her husband Adrian and their three kids, Ruby, Keavagh and Saul.   Adrian and Kate traveled to Minnesota each summer.  I was seven years old when I met their chubby cheeked cherub Saul.  Saul had big round eyes and I could not wait to hold him.  I was cuddling him on my lap when he bit me really hard on my cheek.  I rushed over to Kate and gave Saul back.

“Saul bit me!” I exclaimed. I expected her to soothe me from the atrocities besot on me by her devil son.  Kate laughed and told me that was how he kissed.  I could not believe she took her baby’s side. See how annoying this was.

On another visit, Kate gave all of us five children and Kate’s three children jobs to tidy up our farmhouse kitchen.  I finished my task of washing the dishes and started to run out of the house, Kate stopped me and told me to scrub out the sink. I told her the sink was plenty clean, I had just done dishes in it.  She grabbed the Barkeeper’s Friend® and had me start scrubbing.  I remember thinking; she must be crazy, who washes a sink?  Yes, Kate was annoying.

In 1999, Kate and her family left England and moved to Minnesota.  Kate was a Shiatsu masseuse.   I was a member of the Minnesota Roller Derby League.  After too many tumbles on the track, I had an injured neck.  I made an appointment with Kate for a Shiatsu treatment.   Kate manipulated, stretched and kneaded my whole body.  She told me that I needed to relax more and not to skate with a lot of anger.  She said if I took time to stretch and breathe more during practice and bouts I would have less injuries.  I really felt at the time that my injuries were the fault of the opposing roller derby members.  Kate listened to me, but did not agree. Annoying, again.

Kate’s three children, Ruby, Keavagh, and Saul are not annoying.  They are three of my best friends.   Ruby lives in England, Keavagh lives in Sacramento and Saul lives in Chicago.  I am so lucky to have them in my life.  When I travel I stay with them.   The three open their homes to me and share their lives. I have a deep connection with my cousins.  Before Keavagh moved to Sacramento I had adventures with her and her brother Saul in Chicago; from eating out, going to museums and the onesie pajama birthday bar crawls.  


I see Keavagh each time I come to California.  In a week I am traveling for the first time to England to be with Ruby.  She is happy to have me in her home country.  Ruby, like her siblings will welcome me unto her turf.  Like their mother, her three children enjoy the adventures of traveling and the hospitality of having guests in their homes.

I do not have any children, but I have three nephews Tommy, Micah, and North and 2 nieces Hazel and Regan.  I plan on being the annoying aunt to them like Kate was to me.  I will teach my nieces and nephews that babies may be annoying but not evil, take the extra step to do a job well, and everyday stretch and breathe deeply.